Last Supper

Another two weeks has come and gone...and tomorrow begins another round of chemo treatment for Ben. This will be treatment number 8. 4 more to go. We are starting to get used to the routine that is our life, right now. The Tuesday before chemo-Wednesday, Ben usually calls in the afternoon sometime to talk about what we should do that evening. Today, we decided on dinner at the Chinese Kitchen at Dillons and driving around Clinton Lake to scope out the best camp sites for spring/summer. We will be done with chemo at the end of April, so we have lots of plans for the summer. Nothing major...just all the "normal" things that we'll get to do because Ben won't be spending 2 weeks out of every month in bed. Camping at the lake 5 minutes away from home is at the top of the list! Dinner on Tuesday night is always dubbed, "the last supper" for obvious reasons.

A few people have mentioned that they missed reading a new blog post from Ben. I haven't talked to him about it but I'm pretty sure there are two reasons for the missing post. #1 - His last chemo treatment sucked. Did I say it sucked? It sucked. He went into that session with his lowest white-blood-cell counts to date. Docs talked about suspending treatment a week but ultimately decided to forge ahead, as scheduled. We are starting to notice a correlation between his WBC count and the severity of chemo side-effects or symptoms. Not sure about Ben, but sometimes when I'm in the thick of life, I find that I don't have much to say...My spirit is quiet, I'm doing more listening...to God, an uplifting song, an encouraging friend. #2 - A week after chemo, he started to rebound and then we had a surprise visit from our dear friends all the way from Colorado. We were too busy, enjoying our healthy days and catching up with our peeps to sit in front of a computer. :)

Besides a crappy chemo session, February has actually been a month of healing and blessings for us. We have been blessed by many friends and family as they pour out their love on us in various ways...everything from a hot meal to a oceanfront view of a Hawaiian sunset...and an encouraging email or visit or phone call in the middle. Each and every expression of love for us has been a blessing. I have to tell you that Ben and I have "fended for ourselves" for so long that it is so strange to be on the other side of things, needing help. I have often struggled with thoughts about how I didn't deserve the blessings - they should go to someone else - because someone else is always worse-off. Our situation isn't THAT bad. God has been gently nudging me that this is wrong thinking. We all will go through trials of some sort in life. If you haven't experienced anything major yet, just give it time. Not meant to depress you. But truly, I thought I had enough heartache for a life time following my little brother's tragic death. Subconsciously, I was untouchable from that point on because God wouldn't possibly allow more tradegy or heartache to come my way. Um, no. My mom is the perfect example of how wrong I was. Her daddy died of a heart attack when she was in 7th grade. Done, end of story...no more heart ache needed, thank you. Then her sister died in a tragic accident while they were both in their 30's. Then her son died in yet another tragic accident when he was just 23. Heavy stuff...yet she has been able to restore joy to her heart and live victoriously despite the heartaches. I'm seriously bunny-trailing it but it's all to point out (to myself, mainly) that there is an ebb and flow to life...and no one is immune. So, the lesson that I'm learning (haven't LEARNED...just learning) is that if I'm blessed by someone during my struggle, then I am given the privilege to in-turn, bless them when they are in their valley AND bless others in the meantime. So, if you have been blessed by me lately in any form...rest assured that it's not because I have it all together or I have a ton of energy or time or money, frankly...it's mainly because it's my privilege and responsibility. My neighbor said, "It blesses me to bless others." Exactly.

I don't really know why I'm writing all this. I'm tired and need to go to bed. Two things to impart...break out of your freaking bubble and start helping people around you that really need it...especially if life is going great for you right now! ESPECIALLY. And the other is that Ben and I are so very grateful to you, our friends and family, for loving on us in tangible ways while we walk through our valley. You know who you are. You know what you've done. Our hearts are full with gratitude.

Ending of an Era

It's the ending of an era in the Postlethwait household. The baby swing is dismantled and ready for storage, only to be used for company from here on out. :)

Chemo Treatment #6: Mile 13.1!

Forgive the racing metaphor in my Blog title. It’s really all I’ve got. Here I am, halfway through the 2012 Hodgkin’s Marathon. I really wish they’d work to get better sponsors for this thing. Forgive my tardiness on this session’s Blog. It’s important that you know that I’m typing this in Kauai (yes, that’s a Hawaiian Island), so I really couldn’t be bothered to waste much of my time putting the finishing touches on this particular Blog (haha). I’ll write more about this trip in a future Blog, but as a result of a more than generous offering from our friends Gary and Sandie, we’re spending a week in the most awesome beachfront home that you could imagine. Even better, we get to spend that time with great friends. I can’t imagine a more healing place to be.

Given the above mentioned circumstances, instead of my promised story about backpacking in Arkansas, I’ll just give you a quick update on my current condition. Per the usual, my fingers and toes are tingling and pretty numb. As I’ve said, having frost bitten them in the past is contributing to this, but it’s also given me some perspective on dealing with it. After all, if you can tie yourself into a climbing harness with frozen fingers, putting a 2-year old into a car seat isn't all that bad. Also, I have noticed something pretty strange regarding my facial hair…….especially my nose hairs. Everything is thinning out. It just makes sense, given the cumulative effects of chemo, but what’s up with that? For the most part, my facial hair is sort of hanging around, but seriously, my nose hairs are disappearing at an alarming rate. I’ve always been pretty particular about maintaining my nose hairs, and it’s sort of nice not to have to worry about them anymore. And, for the record, if you’re a dude and you're over 25 and you aren’t trimming your nose hairs you’d better get on that. Don’t bother asking somebody if you need to trim them. Yes, they’re ugly and you need to deal with them. Nobody wants to see your nose goblins waving in the breeze. Of all the parts of your body that you would prefer NOT to draw attention to, your nose is one of them. Tighten it up, fellas. I finally seem to have gotten a handle (love handle, that is) on managing my weight gain. Sort of. I’ve leveled out, and have just learned to deal with being a bit on the chubby side for now. After all, you can only endure so much, and a card carrying dope smoker (seriously, they actually carry cards now) with the munches has got nothin’ on a guy going through Chemo. I am staying pretty active on my “off” weeks, but the 7-day stretch of doing nothing but watching re-runs of Two and a Half Men and Tosh.0 is killing me. Speaking of which, is it wrong that I opted to skip out of watching the State of the Union Address so that I could catch tosh.0? Seems wrong to me, but I just couldn’t force myself to be grown up enough to care. A cool thing about gaining weight is that even though I’m about as tough as an 80 year old asthmatic, being tall and in the neighborhood of 230 pounds apparently prompts folks to give me a little extra distance when I’m in public. Of course, it could just be my bald head and the “I might vomit on your shoes” look I’m giving them. Either way, I’m looking forward to melting off the weight when this is all said and done. As for my new love handles, I’ve decided to name them since apparently they’re going to be around for a while. Everyone, meet “Burrito Supreme” (my right side) and "Nachos BellGrande" (my left side). It would really suck to be short right now. I’m sure I’d look just like a fire hydrant. In reality,unless you were to directly compare my current “girth” with a picture of me in my Ironman garb (aren’t you glad you missed me in my Speedo?) you might have trouble seeing a difference. Rest assured, these extra pounds will be hidden in quiet protest under my XL Nike Sweatshirt and my “fat” pants. I knew I held on to those for a good reason.

I was watching a show the other night where a guy with Parkinson’s made the statement that nobody should feel bad for him being stricken with that horrible disease. After all, he had it coming. I could certainly relate. I had this coming, for sure. Every day that I deal with the negative effects of the Chemo, I remind myself that my life is great, and I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve such a great ride (remember, I’m typing this with a view of the beach in Kauai). I feel sad for Kacy having to deal with all of this. Especially now that we know that I’m not really dying. The other night I noticed that she quietly put that 2012 Mercedes brochure in the trash with a defeated “sigh”. Sorry babe, no life insurance this year. I guess they won’t be naming a highway after me any time soon. Kacy, you’re a trooper, and never give up on me cuz’ I’m as resilient as a cockroach. You’re stuck with me.

One final note…what a good Super Bowl! I heard a bit of trivia the other day that I just had to pass on. I haven’t checked these “factoids”, but if this is really true…..shame on us! Did you know that around the world we’re spending 10.8 Billion dollars on the beer we’re drinking during the super bowl? In addition to that, we're using 2 Billion gallons of water to flush all of that down the toilet when we’re “done” with it. Wow. Whose job is it to put this information together? What would you call that job? Senior Guilt Analyst? Enjoy your day. Live it up, and drink plenty. Among other things, this jaunt to Kauai has taught me a couple of things. First, you’re never too sick to take a 12-hour plane ride with 2 kids in tow as long as you’ve got a Rock Star wife that’s on her game. Second, don’t ever be so foolish as to let your selfish pride prevent you from taking a good friend up on a great offer. People love you, so let them in!

Chemo treatment #6
February 1, 2012

7 months old!

My, where has the time gone? Baby love is now 7 months old! She is learning new tricks and making new sounds every day. I just ordered a high chair/booster seat for her yesterday because she has essentially grown out of the bumbo chair. She still fits perfectly in the chair but she is so fascinated with grabbing a hold of everything around her that she comes close to falling out all the time. I can't just plop the bumbo on the kitchen counter with her in it anymore. :) She hates lying down - always wants to be sitting up and in the middle of the action. She loves it when Linkan plays around her - so entertaining. Linkan continues to surprise us with her random and unprompted acts of love towards Palmer...even showing empathy for her when she cries ("don't cry baby girl"). Linkan introduces her sister to others as "Palmer Poo". Palmer seems to be over her stranger anxiety phase. She is more interactive than ever...and gets upset if you aren't paying enough attention to her. It's pretty easy to get her to giggle and snort. She is sleeping beautifully through the night. Good girl! She is starting to sleep a little longer during the day. She is less of a "chunk" this month...as she is starting to lengthen out a little. She is working on her two top front teeth but they haven't appeared just yet. She still just has two teeth on the bottom.

6 Months Old!

My baby girl turned a half-year on Feb. 4. On her 6 month birthday, Palmer woke up in Kansas and went to sleep in Kauai. Quite the little traveler in her young life. During the first week on vacation, it was safe to say that she was sitting up on her own. Such a big milestone! She really wanted to sit up on the beach!

She is testing out new sounds like la la, ya ya, ba ba , da da. She wakes up sing-songy in the morning. She only sleeps 1-2 hrs during day but it doesn't bother me because she sleeps from 7pm to 8ish in the morning.

During the last couple weeks of her 5th month, she started exhibiting some stranger anxiety, including towards her dad. She is now back to loving on her daddy and is getting much better with every one else except an occasional male. I remember Linkan going through the same phase for a short period of time.

She is still eating solids like a champ. Doesn't seem to be anything that she doesn't like.

Our sweet baby love was 14 pounds at her 6 month appointment . She is 25% in weight and 75% height.

Sunny Side Up

This mild weather is good for my soul. 60 degrees and sunny in January doesn't come too often in Kansas. So, the laundry, dishes, and the normal routine took a back seat to the sandbox and swing set in the backyard today.  Love my girls.

Heeey girl, check out my new boots!

Check out my hand, ma

Kisses from mama

So serious...

Fat lady stuffed into a swing...

Boss and Palmer

Boss looks like he is smiling and telling her something

She told me to take her picture :)

Swing swing!

Palmer was fascinated with the rocks

Pretty technical move there.  Making her daddy proud.

Giving Stelly more sticks to chew on

Bath time after a fun day outside!