On Sunday, we returned from our family vacation. I had taken my wedding ring off while in the Bahamas for the first time in 10 years (other than a couple of cleanings) for scuba diving. I placed them in my makeup bag and did not remember to put them back on my finger until Tuesday of this week. When I went to my makeup bag to retrieve them, the bag was unzipped and I could only find my band. The engagement ring was gone. My disbelief quickly turned into panic...panic into tears. Ben found me crumpled on the bathroom floor.
The TSA had inspected our bags and my feeling was that they unzipped my makeup bag to inspect it and unknowingly, the ring fell out. Ben asked if I had looked in the suitcases but I had already cleaned them out...even vacuumed them because we brought back some sand. I knew that I would have seen it then if it was there. And at that point, I was so emo that I couldn't bring myself to look through my suitcases and feel the disappointment all over again.
I posted on facebook that I had lost my ring and my Aunt Maurita said, "The Lord knows where it is ask Him". I was stunned because it had not even occurred to me to go to Him with my concern. I was embarrassed and immediately asked Him for forgiveness and asked Him to help me find it. I realized right then that I have been very good about going to God for the big stuff in my life....diligently asking for direction concerning life decisions, praising Him for the many blessings that He has bestowed upon me, praying for healing, peace, comfort, safety. I rarely seek Him in prayer over "little" things like this. After all, isn't it silly to ask the God of the Universe for help in finding a THING? But, this THING is quite possibly the one thing that I am most sentimental about in this life. It is the thing that was carefully and lovingly chosen by my love just for me. It was placed on my finger the moment that my boyfriend asked me to be his wife...and again on the day that I stood before my loved ones and God and pledged to love him forever. So, in that moment - I prayed and asked God for help...and if it was forever gone, to give me peace about it.
I woke up the next morning feeling MUCH better. I was still very disappointed but I wasn't emo and was already starting to part ways with the ring in my head. Having lost my little brother 4 years ago, I have already learned the hard lesson that things aren't all that important in life...people, relationships, experiences, memories...are priceless. Ben had called mid-morning and I had commented about how much better I was feeling. That afternoon, I went downstairs to change out the laundry and saw the suitcases so I decided to pull them out and look. I knew it was futile but I had to at least SAY that I looked. I looked through the first suitcase, slipping my fingers behind any seam that fingers could get behind and it wasn't there. I knew it. Checked the second suitcase...nothing there. As I was starting to zip it back up, I stuck my finger down one last seam and felt something. I started to pull it out and saw the silver color that I knew so well. I felt like my eyes were playing a sick joke on me for a split second and then it was there...in my hand...back on my finger. All I could do is cry and say, "Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you". I immediately knew that this exercise was God lovingly trying to communicate with his daughter. I thought, "I get it." I feel like He was trying to communicate to me that I could go to Him with ANYthing...and EVERYthing. Not just the big stuff. Even the small stuff.
It's ironic that this all came full circle on the eve of the 4th anniversary of Sam's passing. Earlier that day, I had thought about how my week couldn't get any worse... Rest assured...having found my ring did not make today any easier. I got to thinking about how I had lost something very precious to me -my ring-and how I was so joyful, happy, emotional, grateful when I found it. I wonder...how amazing it will be when I see my Sammy for the first time again...after so many years of him being lost from my life. The thought of the reunion brings tears to my eyes. I echo my wise sister's comment, that I know how to grieve with hope. THANK the King of Glory for that.
Sammy, I love you little brother. Miss you every day.
