Chemo treatment #2 - pass the hand sanitizer, please.

So, my second treatment has arrived and passed. Throughout this process, I keep getting overwhelmed with the feeling that when compared to other forms of terminal or more “serious” forms of cancer, having Hodgkin’s is a lot like a common cold. It’s treatable, curable, and honestly not too intrusive. As I’m getting treatment, I see a lot of folks that are way worse off than me, and they appear to just really need a hug. But, enough of that sensitive stuff (for now) and let’s get to the part that I’m sure many of you are interested in. What is this crazy disease doing to me?

Essentially, I’m getting injected with several drugs that are saving my life, but it feels like they’re trying to poison me. Quite literally, they actually are. What the heck? They can design a car that can parallel park itself in downtown traffic, but we can’t come up with a cancer drug that doesn’t make you feel like you just woke up after pounding a liter of Jack Daniels the night before? I mean, seriously, I’d rather pound the Jack. At least I’d have fun for a little bit. I think I'll just treat it like a Caribbean vacation. Hangovers are common and people serve you orange juice and cheese omelets all day. It’s really not that bad I suppose….not yet anyways. I felt like I had a two day hangover after my treatment. With treatment being on Wednesday, Thursday I felt normal (I even went for a run), but Friday and Saturday I was pretty wiped out and didn’t do much. As such, I do feel a little like the cancer/chemo combo won the first round. All of my Doc’s and Chemo nurses say that I’m coming through the first treatment in great shape. Of course they say that. That’s kind of like your Mom saying that you’re gorgeous. Face it; there are too many people in this world for us all to be gorgeous. Some of us are downright ugly but nobody is mean enough to say anything. As with any heavyweight fight we're both feeling each other out right now. I’ll win the next round. The Docs also told me I shouldn't drink any booze during my treatments. Bummer, but I couldn't imagine being so helplessly in love with beer that I'd have to drink while doing Chemo. It just doesn’t sound good to me right now. And, those of you who know me best really know how out of character that is for me. Aside from the hangover there are a few other things that I’m obviously going to have fun dealing with. For starters, my mouth hurts quite a bit. This apparently is a result of the Chemo attacking the fast reproducing cells in my mouth. Also, for the 3 or 4 days after Chemo, I wake up early and can’t get back to sleep. That’s just a cruel joke from the rocket scientist that developed Chemo drugs (and I say that lovingly of course because that mean bastard is the one that is saving my life). I'm actually hoping that feeling sick during the Thanksgiving holiday saved me five pounds of back fat. “No thanks, no pumpkin pie for me, I’m just concentrating on not throwing up at the table.” One cool thing about sitting on my butt for 2 days straight was that I finally watched Fargo this last weekend. It was a cool movie, but I have to say that it didn’t really live up to the hype. And as for the infamous wood chipper scene.....not that bad actually. The most common question that everybody seems to have is regarding my hair….no, I haven’t lost any hair yet. Matter of fact, I’m actually refusing to shave or cut my hair until it starts falling out. Kacy really thinks I look hot right now. As I get into this process more deeply I realize that it's sort of like when you’re in Jr. High and you're waiting for your first armpit hair to come in, or waiting for your face to start breaking out in pimples so that you can finally put a flag in the start of your entry into manhood. You’re on the verge of something big….and good or bad, you just want it to get going. The funny thing is that it's all a big joke on you. As soon as the process starts, you just want it to stop. You want to just fast forward through all the awkward Freshman/Sophomore stuff and just get to the part where you’re the homecoming king as a Senior. By the way, in the grand scheme of life, being homecoming king is about as significant as deciding what color of shoes you should wear. “Brown or Black, ah Black does bring out the Green in this sweater.” I digress.

As I experience all of these things, it's pretty strange to go from what you think is the picture of health one month, and then all of a sudden you're a cancer patient. My medical questionnaire used to be so much fun to fill out. I’d scan the page for 2 seconds and with a flippant N/A or NO answer at the top and a subsequent lightning fast line down the entire “NO” column (as if I was too important to actually put a “No” on each line), I’d smirk arrogantly. I’d even add a cute little swoop at the bottom as if to say "suck it, losers"….never again. To add insult to injury, as my white blood cell count falls lower and lower down the bell curve like a dive-bombing kamikaze (sorry, just watched a special on Pearl Harbor) my body becomes less able to fight off disease. As a result, I’ve got a new found affection for sanitation; thus the title of this post. Hand washing followed with an ample dose of hand sanitizer is the norm. It's like an overbearing soccer Mom is living in my head and is chanting “Hey, wash your hands for dinner and don't forget to use the disinfectant wipes”. I mean, c’mon…I used to eat without washing my hands first, I wouldn’t hesitate to eat a cookie that fell on the floor, and it was totally acceptable to consider something “clean” if you brushed it off with your hand. I definitely wasn’t a total dirt bag….I've always washed my hands after using the bathroom (if you don’t do that….it’s just gross), but I’ll admit that I’ve picked my nose while sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. Seriously, come clean….you've all done it, and if you haven't you're missing out on one of life’s subtle indulgences.

In the end, just like when I was 13 with a cracking voice and a Stridex pad in my hand, I’d like to just fast forward through the next year or so. I've had similar thoughts in the past when I was getting ready for a big race or something. Sure, I can put in the time and run the miles, bike all the hours, swim all the laps....but should I really be expected to? Sure, I can deal with Chemo…..the hangovers, the hair loss….but should I really have to? I mean, I know I can do this….but do I really have to? Of course I do! We all do. These things are the price of life. If you don't like it, offer your life up to the guy down the street that is really dying of something horrible (something WAY worse than Hodgkin’s) because he really wants to live......really, really wants it. Regardless of your place in life this is all you've got. I truly look forward to the hereafter with my God, but I've got lots to do here on this Earth....we all do. So, get busy already.

2nd Chemo treatment with Nurse Lana

December 7, 2011 - With Dad