Chemo treatment #2 - pass the hand sanitizer, please.

So, my second treatment has arrived and passed. Throughout this process, I keep getting overwhelmed with the feeling that when compared to other forms of terminal or more “serious” forms of cancer, having Hodgkin’s is a lot like a common cold. It’s treatable, curable, and honestly not too intrusive. As I’m getting treatment, I see a lot of folks that are way worse off than me, and they appear to just really need a hug. But, enough of that sensitive stuff (for now) and let’s get to the part that I’m sure many of you are interested in. What is this crazy disease doing to me?

Essentially, I’m getting injected with several drugs that are saving my life, but it feels like they’re trying to poison me. Quite literally, they actually are. What the heck? They can design a car that can parallel park itself in downtown traffic, but we can’t come up with a cancer drug that doesn’t make you feel like you just woke up after pounding a liter of Jack Daniels the night before? I mean, seriously, I’d rather pound the Jack. At least I’d have fun for a little bit. I think I'll just treat it like a Caribbean vacation. Hangovers are common and people serve you orange juice and cheese omelets all day. It’s really not that bad I suppose….not yet anyways. I felt like I had a two day hangover after my treatment. With treatment being on Wednesday, Thursday I felt normal (I even went for a run), but Friday and Saturday I was pretty wiped out and didn’t do much. As such, I do feel a little like the cancer/chemo combo won the first round. All of my Doc’s and Chemo nurses say that I’m coming through the first treatment in great shape. Of course they say that. That’s kind of like your Mom saying that you’re gorgeous. Face it; there are too many people in this world for us all to be gorgeous. Some of us are downright ugly but nobody is mean enough to say anything. As with any heavyweight fight we're both feeling each other out right now. I’ll win the next round. The Docs also told me I shouldn't drink any booze during my treatments. Bummer, but I couldn't imagine being so helplessly in love with beer that I'd have to drink while doing Chemo. It just doesn’t sound good to me right now. And, those of you who know me best really know how out of character that is for me. Aside from the hangover there are a few other things that I’m obviously going to have fun dealing with. For starters, my mouth hurts quite a bit. This apparently is a result of the Chemo attacking the fast reproducing cells in my mouth. Also, for the 3 or 4 days after Chemo, I wake up early and can’t get back to sleep. That’s just a cruel joke from the rocket scientist that developed Chemo drugs (and I say that lovingly of course because that mean bastard is the one that is saving my life). I'm actually hoping that feeling sick during the Thanksgiving holiday saved me five pounds of back fat. “No thanks, no pumpkin pie for me, I’m just concentrating on not throwing up at the table.” One cool thing about sitting on my butt for 2 days straight was that I finally watched Fargo this last weekend. It was a cool movie, but I have to say that it didn’t really live up to the hype. And as for the infamous wood chipper scene.....not that bad actually. The most common question that everybody seems to have is regarding my hair….no, I haven’t lost any hair yet. Matter of fact, I’m actually refusing to shave or cut my hair until it starts falling out. Kacy really thinks I look hot right now. As I get into this process more deeply I realize that it's sort of like when you’re in Jr. High and you're waiting for your first armpit hair to come in, or waiting for your face to start breaking out in pimples so that you can finally put a flag in the start of your entry into manhood. You’re on the verge of something big….and good or bad, you just want it to get going. The funny thing is that it's all a big joke on you. As soon as the process starts, you just want it to stop. You want to just fast forward through all the awkward Freshman/Sophomore stuff and just get to the part where you’re the homecoming king as a Senior. By the way, in the grand scheme of life, being homecoming king is about as significant as deciding what color of shoes you should wear. “Brown or Black, ah Black does bring out the Green in this sweater.” I digress.

As I experience all of these things, it's pretty strange to go from what you think is the picture of health one month, and then all of a sudden you're a cancer patient. My medical questionnaire used to be so much fun to fill out. I’d scan the page for 2 seconds and with a flippant N/A or NO answer at the top and a subsequent lightning fast line down the entire “NO” column (as if I was too important to actually put a “No” on each line), I’d smirk arrogantly. I’d even add a cute little swoop at the bottom as if to say "suck it, losers"….never again. To add insult to injury, as my white blood cell count falls lower and lower down the bell curve like a dive-bombing kamikaze (sorry, just watched a special on Pearl Harbor) my body becomes less able to fight off disease. As a result, I’ve got a new found affection for sanitation; thus the title of this post. Hand washing followed with an ample dose of hand sanitizer is the norm. It's like an overbearing soccer Mom is living in my head and is chanting “Hey, wash your hands for dinner and don't forget to use the disinfectant wipes”. I mean, c’mon…I used to eat without washing my hands first, I wouldn’t hesitate to eat a cookie that fell on the floor, and it was totally acceptable to consider something “clean” if you brushed it off with your hand. I definitely wasn’t a total dirt bag….I've always washed my hands after using the bathroom (if you don’t do that….it’s just gross), but I’ll admit that I’ve picked my nose while sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. Seriously, come clean….you've all done it, and if you haven't you're missing out on one of life’s subtle indulgences.

In the end, just like when I was 13 with a cracking voice and a Stridex pad in my hand, I’d like to just fast forward through the next year or so. I've had similar thoughts in the past when I was getting ready for a big race or something. Sure, I can put in the time and run the miles, bike all the hours, swim all the laps....but should I really be expected to? Sure, I can deal with Chemo…..the hangovers, the hair loss….but should I really have to? I mean, I know I can do this….but do I really have to? Of course I do! We all do. These things are the price of life. If you don't like it, offer your life up to the guy down the street that is really dying of something horrible (something WAY worse than Hodgkin’s) because he really wants to live......really, really wants it. Regardless of your place in life this is all you've got. I truly look forward to the hereafter with my God, but I've got lots to do here on this Earth....we all do. So, get busy already.

2nd Chemo treatment with Nurse Lana

December 7, 2011 - With Dad

4 Months Old

Every time I sit down to do another post, marking another month for Palmer, I can't believe it.  I swear I had that girl just the other day! :)  Here are some 4 month pictures with Miss Sock Monkey.

 

 

Colorado Luv

You can take the girl out of Colorado, but you can't take the Colorado out of the girl.

Morning After First Chemo Treatment

For a few years, I've (Kacy) been the sole author of the Postlethwait Family Blog.  That changed today with Ben's inaugural blog below. Do us a favor and click on the link to "follow" our blog.  It's nice to know who gives a crap, ya know? :)  From here on out, Ben will be listed as the "author" of his own posts.   ...And if you are reading this via Facebook, leave a comment on our blog page - instead of Facebook - so that Ben can actually read it...since he thinks he's too cool for Facebook. ;) 

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Well, here we are.  I thought it would be good to document some of this stuff to go back and look over later in life when I’m sitting on a boat somewhere in the Caribbean with some good friends and a big mug of Grog in my hand.  If you don’t know what Grog is, first shame on you, secondly don’t Google it because it will send you down an interestingly strange wormhole of internet stupidity. 

I want to give you a highlight of what to really expect out of this blog.  For the most part, I’d say I’m pretty much just shy of the PG-13 ballpark.  Since my kids are young, and I’m a total deviant, I haven’t paid attention to that stupid movie rating system in decades.  What’s a step below PG-13 these days?  If kids can listen to Justin Bieber, I think they can handle my blog.  That little freak has some issues.  I digress….there won’t be any cursing.  Those of you who know me best will know exactly which expletive to insert at any given time.   Feel free to do so.  The closest I’ll get to talking about swimsuit areas and the like (for those of you who don’t get it, that’s private parts and Sex) will be to talk about the interesting color of my pee (urine sounds so formal) after Chemo, and maybe a mention of some fun naked jokes if I lose weight and all my hair falls out. 

In reality, my first treatment was pretty uneventful.  For any of you who have any experience with Chemo I’m sure you’re thinking, “just wait a few days until the real excitement begins tough guy”.  And that’s okay, but remember that its Christmas time and Santa hears your negative thoughts and is keeping track.  I mostly just sat there and talked with Kacy, read magazines, and joked with the nurses.  I take all my cues from the nurses.  There are a lot of pretty down-looking people in the Chemo ward and I feel bad walking in with my baby little Hodkins Lymphoma when so many of them are considered terminal.  But, the nurses are really snarky so I’ll pretty much joke around until someone tells me to stop.  Do they have Chemo detention?  I’ll surely be carving my initials on the “detention desk” if there is.  Honestly, I feel a little more than bad for those folks that are terminal.  I see so many of them that are older and it just looks painful for them.  It sounds stupid, but sometimes I just wish I could take their cancer for a week and they could have mine.  That’d give them a really cool week to do some fun stuff.  Maybe they could go party, or go for a road trip, smoke some medicinal Marijuana (I’m so lame I had to spell check that), or even get naked with…well, you get the point.  But, another part of me (the dark side of Ben) thinks no way, I’ll keep my fun times for myself.  And, then the third part (the really dark side of Ben) just wants to hook them up with a spray-on tan and a cool Indiana Jones hat.  I love that hat, but I’m way too much of a dumb guy to pull off that look.

Let’s take a moment to talk about all of you.  You guys have all really touched me over the last few days as the emails and messages come in with your incredible support.  I seriously love all of you guys.  Well, I’m sure there are some of you out there that I don’t know very well, so maybe I don’t love you….yet.  Rest assured, I like you a lot, but we haven’t yet got to the point that I can share a Pee bottle with you on a cold mountain in the middle of winter.  And for anyone who is wondering, yes that is the yard stick that I use to measure whether I love someone or not.  It’s sort of fun to mention measurements and yard sticks when talking about swimsuit areas.  At least it’s funny to me, and that’s all I really care about.  Don’t worry guys, I don’t require measurements for you to enter my circle of love (circle of love, I just keep laughing on the inside).  And, ladies if you’re feeling left out…yes they make contraptions that allow you to Pee in bottles too so it’s a fair comparison.  That was a whole section on Pee.  Sweet.  I told you….just shy of PG-13.  Anyways, you guys have all been great.  And I need all of you to continue to be great.  You don’t need to call or message me every week.  You certainly can if you feel like it, but don’t turn it into this thing where you don’t check in for like 4 weeks and then you think that I’ll just think you’re a jerk and don’t care, and then you’ll wait another 4 weeks, and then it’s awkward so you just decide to not say anything, and then we pass each other on the street and you’re like hey…dude…you’re still alive and you’re  bald…sweet, we should get together and have dinner or something.....yeah…that’ll be totally awkward and I’m not into it.  So, if it’s been 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months…whatever….if you feel like it, just say, “hey”.  Lord knows I understand that you’re all busy and have your own stuff to deal with.  Matter of fact, you probably wouldn’t be my friends if you didn’t have a whole LOT of your own stuff to deal with.  That’s just how we roll.  It’s cool.  Also, there are gonna be times when you think I’m a real idiot for stuff that I’m doing.  An example: I still haven’t cancelled my entry into an April ultra marathon that I’m planning to do.  I’m playing it by ear, I continue to train for it (although lightly). And, depending on how LOTS of things go over the next few months, I intend to compete…well, I intend to compete with the folks that run/walk the race…I’m not delusional about this.  The Docs have no problem with this.  They tell me that my body will let me know how much I can push it. Rest assured, I’ve been doing this stuff for a long time.  I know the difference between feeling tired because I stayed up too late the night before and feeling tired because I’m dangerously red-lining and ready to crash.  Please, don’t worry about that stuff.  I’ve got it handled.   Some of you are saying, “way to go”, some of you are saying, “this guy doesn’t have a clue”…you’d both be right.  Bottom line…I don’t care.  I’m wired to always need a goal to shoot for.  It helps me plan, it helps me prepare, and it keeps me motivated.  If April comes and I can’t do it, I’ll just do it next year.  No biggie.  Yeah, of course goal number one is to beat cancer.  However, life doesn’t stop there.  Having a reason to get out there and keep myself moving is important to me.  And don’t tell me I’m dumb and that you think I should stop training….if you know me, that’ll only make me want to do it more.  So chill, and enjoy the ride. 

As always, I’m super impressed and totally blessed (that sounds like a bumper sticker) that Kacy is so great with all of this.  That chick loves me, and I’m not always certain why she does.  I’m a real pain in the neck.  Seriously, for that last 5 or 6 years if I haven’t been training for some stupid marathon, or triathlon, or training to climb some mountain somewhere, I’ve had my nose in a book reading about marathons, triathlons, or climbing.  By the way, I truly believe that God had some hand in that.  All this stuff that I’ve been into for the last few years has taught me how to prepare, perform, and suffer for long (very long, because I’m slow) periods of time.  That’s like cancer training 101, folks.  It has also given Kacy and I the ability to communicate about balance, commitment, priorities, and teamwork….that’d be marriage 101.  Kacy just keeps plugging away right here beside me.  I love her more than anything, and as she sat there in my Chemo treatment yesterday I couldn’t believe how lucky I am.  We’ll do this together, my love.  Cuz’ that’s the only way we know.

So, that’s about it.  I’ll probably type one of these up every 2 weeks while I’m at my Chemo treatment.  Don’t worry, they won’t all be this long.  Hang in there with us, it’ll be a great ride.

-Ben

Why I'm Thankful for Hodgkin Lymphoma

Well...so, no...not really...I'm not thankful for cancer. I hate cancer. But, on this day, the day before thanksgiving and the first day of Ben's first chemotherapy treatment, I'm thankful for this:

• That Ben has Hodgkin lymphoma (rather than non-Hodgkin) which is the second most curable cancer for men;
• That its NOT in his bone marrow (Thank you, Jesus!);
• That we live in Kansas, close to both of our families (God's timing is perfect);
• That he works for an incredibly supportive company, boss and executive vp;
• That we have moved into a neighborhood that immediately embraced us and called us friends;
• That we were able to complete our family with two sweet little babies before chemo drugs had any opportunity to mess that up (I'll say it again...God's timing is perfect);

But most of all, I'm thankful for my tank-of-a-husband. He is tough as nails and is in his prime to kick some cancer-arse. He is the strongest person that I know...spiritually, physically and mentally...and I would have told you that even before I knew he had cancer.  He has always been a great source of inspiration to me in many facets of my own life.  I've always been CRAZY about him and I love how he is taking on this challenge...with humor and tranquility.  If he can climb a 20,000 ft Himalayan mountain in sub-zero temps, finish an ironman first in his division, and take care of two little girls under the age of 2, he can beat cancer.

You better believe that he's going to fight like hell.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of 

comfort and convenience, but at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

(One of Ben's favorite quotes, hanging in our house.)

First chemo treatment
November 23, 2011

A "get well" sign that all the kids in the neighborhood made for Ben and hung on our door tonight.

Linkan is 2 Years Old!

On this day, exactly two years ago, we became parents for the first time and welcomed our sweet baby Linkan to the world. It marks the anniversary of an amazing day for me, going through my first successful labor and delivery. When she was born, the first thing I asked was, "What is it?" and the nurse said, "That's the umbilical cord, honey" to which Ben and both replied, excitedly and in unison, "NO, what IS it?!!?". "OH! It's a girl!!" Haha

We have never looked back. Our life is much fuller, funny, exciting, and new with her in it. At every stage of her life, I think...wow, this is the best stage. But it keeps getting better with every stage. She is pure joy and a little bit of ornery. ;)

She is now 26.5 pounds and is 3 feet tall. Long and lean, just like her daddy. 95th percentile in height and 60th in weight. Thank goodness for little elastic tabs to cinch up and keep her pants on. Those are the best!

Favorite foods: Tomatoes "nemos", Pizza, Macaroni "roni", Suckers,
Favorite shows: Little Einsteins, Rescue Heros
Favorite Animal: Doggie (When we asked her if she liked Boss or Stella best, she said "Bossy Stelly". It's a tie!)
Favorite "things": Her blanket and Violet (leapfrog talking puppy), her "birdy lights" - l.e.d. nightlights
Favorite things to do: Color and read books...and sliding. :)

Of course, she is my daughter, so I think she is genius...but we've been hearing for a while, now, that her language is exceptional. She is still figuring out her colors but she can say, "Mommy, I see trees and birds and clouds and dirt!" She can count to 13 or 14 but has no interest, what-so-ever in going to the big potty. The very first time she sat on the potty (this summer), she went number 2 immediately. And then when she looked down and saw it, she thought it was the grossest thing ever. It's been down-hill from there. ha! She has a strong personality so I don't plan on pushing her into potty training until I think she is good and ready. It has to be her decision. She is an independent spirit. She definitely knows what she wants. We are currently working on the concept of "sharing". It's a constant issue. Really, the only person she willingly shares with is Palmer. I'm sure that will change very soon. ha :) She normally repeats her meal-time prayers after us. The other day, she prayed on her own for the first time and shocked us both when she said, "Thank you for rescue heroes" (It's a cartoon that she watches on qubo every night with her dad). Wow - we're good parents. haha Oh well, for the most part, she is well adjusted and definitely well-fed and well-loved!

Happy Birthday Linkee-Lou! We love you!

We're having a family party on Saturday but did a little something tonight too. Here is a video that we took tonight of her blowing out her candles...

3 Months Old

Palmer-Poo (as Linkan calls her) is 3 months old! She is coo'ing quite a bit now, smiles all the time, and I actually got her to crack up the other day when I was tickling her neck. Too funny! Her eye sight is getting much better as I can tell that she is noticing more things in her surrounding environment. She is holding her head up really well and I can almost carry her on my hip (without her head flopping all around). She is connecting with (on her own) and grabbing toys that are hanging in front of her. She always wants something in her mouth, whether it's her fist, finger or toy...but wants nothing to do with a pacifier. I try to give her a bottle once a day but it doesn't always happen that way because nursing is always the quicker option. I want her to stay in good practice so that we can do a bottle when we're out and about, instead of having to nurse. If I miss a few days, it takes her a little while to "re-learn" how to take a bottle. She is usually a little resistant at first...but nothing compared Linkan. She goes to sleep on her own at night but is not yet sleeping though the night. I'm hoping that will change within the next couple of weeks. She is really starting to chunk up and I'm amazed at how much her "look" has changed since she was first born. She has such pretty eyes and lashes...and pudgy, pudgy legs. We are, Linkan included, totally in love with Palmer-Poo.