Morning After First Chemo Treatment

For a few years, I've (Kacy) been the sole author of the Postlethwait Family Blog.  That changed today with Ben's inaugural blog below. Do us a favor and click on the link to "follow" our blog.  It's nice to know who gives a crap, ya know? :)  From here on out, Ben will be listed as the "author" of his own posts.   ...And if you are reading this via Facebook, leave a comment on our blog page - instead of Facebook - so that Ben can actually read it...since he thinks he's too cool for Facebook. ;) 

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Well, here we are.  I thought it would be good to document some of this stuff to go back and look over later in life when I’m sitting on a boat somewhere in the Caribbean with some good friends and a big mug of Grog in my hand.  If you don’t know what Grog is, first shame on you, secondly don’t Google it because it will send you down an interestingly strange wormhole of internet stupidity. 

I want to give you a highlight of what to really expect out of this blog.  For the most part, I’d say I’m pretty much just shy of the PG-13 ballpark.  Since my kids are young, and I’m a total deviant, I haven’t paid attention to that stupid movie rating system in decades.  What’s a step below PG-13 these days?  If kids can listen to Justin Bieber, I think they can handle my blog.  That little freak has some issues.  I digress….there won’t be any cursing.  Those of you who know me best will know exactly which expletive to insert at any given time.   Feel free to do so.  The closest I’ll get to talking about swimsuit areas and the like (for those of you who don’t get it, that’s private parts and Sex) will be to talk about the interesting color of my pee (urine sounds so formal) after Chemo, and maybe a mention of some fun naked jokes if I lose weight and all my hair falls out. 

In reality, my first treatment was pretty uneventful.  For any of you who have any experience with Chemo I’m sure you’re thinking, “just wait a few days until the real excitement begins tough guy”.  And that’s okay, but remember that its Christmas time and Santa hears your negative thoughts and is keeping track.  I mostly just sat there and talked with Kacy, read magazines, and joked with the nurses.  I take all my cues from the nurses.  There are a lot of pretty down-looking people in the Chemo ward and I feel bad walking in with my baby little Hodkins Lymphoma when so many of them are considered terminal.  But, the nurses are really snarky so I’ll pretty much joke around until someone tells me to stop.  Do they have Chemo detention?  I’ll surely be carving my initials on the “detention desk” if there is.  Honestly, I feel a little more than bad for those folks that are terminal.  I see so many of them that are older and it just looks painful for them.  It sounds stupid, but sometimes I just wish I could take their cancer for a week and they could have mine.  That’d give them a really cool week to do some fun stuff.  Maybe they could go party, or go for a road trip, smoke some medicinal Marijuana (I’m so lame I had to spell check that), or even get naked with…well, you get the point.  But, another part of me (the dark side of Ben) thinks no way, I’ll keep my fun times for myself.  And, then the third part (the really dark side of Ben) just wants to hook them up with a spray-on tan and a cool Indiana Jones hat.  I love that hat, but I’m way too much of a dumb guy to pull off that look.

Let’s take a moment to talk about all of you.  You guys have all really touched me over the last few days as the emails and messages come in with your incredible support.  I seriously love all of you guys.  Well, I’m sure there are some of you out there that I don’t know very well, so maybe I don’t love you….yet.  Rest assured, I like you a lot, but we haven’t yet got to the point that I can share a Pee bottle with you on a cold mountain in the middle of winter.  And for anyone who is wondering, yes that is the yard stick that I use to measure whether I love someone or not.  It’s sort of fun to mention measurements and yard sticks when talking about swimsuit areas.  At least it’s funny to me, and that’s all I really care about.  Don’t worry guys, I don’t require measurements for you to enter my circle of love (circle of love, I just keep laughing on the inside).  And, ladies if you’re feeling left out…yes they make contraptions that allow you to Pee in bottles too so it’s a fair comparison.  That was a whole section on Pee.  Sweet.  I told you….just shy of PG-13.  Anyways, you guys have all been great.  And I need all of you to continue to be great.  You don’t need to call or message me every week.  You certainly can if you feel like it, but don’t turn it into this thing where you don’t check in for like 4 weeks and then you think that I’ll just think you’re a jerk and don’t care, and then you’ll wait another 4 weeks, and then it’s awkward so you just decide to not say anything, and then we pass each other on the street and you’re like hey…dude…you’re still alive and you’re  bald…sweet, we should get together and have dinner or something.....yeah…that’ll be totally awkward and I’m not into it.  So, if it’s been 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months…whatever….if you feel like it, just say, “hey”.  Lord knows I understand that you’re all busy and have your own stuff to deal with.  Matter of fact, you probably wouldn’t be my friends if you didn’t have a whole LOT of your own stuff to deal with.  That’s just how we roll.  It’s cool.  Also, there are gonna be times when you think I’m a real idiot for stuff that I’m doing.  An example: I still haven’t cancelled my entry into an April ultra marathon that I’m planning to do.  I’m playing it by ear, I continue to train for it (although lightly). And, depending on how LOTS of things go over the next few months, I intend to compete…well, I intend to compete with the folks that run/walk the race…I’m not delusional about this.  The Docs have no problem with this.  They tell me that my body will let me know how much I can push it. Rest assured, I’ve been doing this stuff for a long time.  I know the difference between feeling tired because I stayed up too late the night before and feeling tired because I’m dangerously red-lining and ready to crash.  Please, don’t worry about that stuff.  I’ve got it handled.   Some of you are saying, “way to go”, some of you are saying, “this guy doesn’t have a clue”…you’d both be right.  Bottom line…I don’t care.  I’m wired to always need a goal to shoot for.  It helps me plan, it helps me prepare, and it keeps me motivated.  If April comes and I can’t do it, I’ll just do it next year.  No biggie.  Yeah, of course goal number one is to beat cancer.  However, life doesn’t stop there.  Having a reason to get out there and keep myself moving is important to me.  And don’t tell me I’m dumb and that you think I should stop training….if you know me, that’ll only make me want to do it more.  So chill, and enjoy the ride. 

As always, I’m super impressed and totally blessed (that sounds like a bumper sticker) that Kacy is so great with all of this.  That chick loves me, and I’m not always certain why she does.  I’m a real pain in the neck.  Seriously, for that last 5 or 6 years if I haven’t been training for some stupid marathon, or triathlon, or training to climb some mountain somewhere, I’ve had my nose in a book reading about marathons, triathlons, or climbing.  By the way, I truly believe that God had some hand in that.  All this stuff that I’ve been into for the last few years has taught me how to prepare, perform, and suffer for long (very long, because I’m slow) periods of time.  That’s like cancer training 101, folks.  It has also given Kacy and I the ability to communicate about balance, commitment, priorities, and teamwork….that’d be marriage 101.  Kacy just keeps plugging away right here beside me.  I love her more than anything, and as she sat there in my Chemo treatment yesterday I couldn’t believe how lucky I am.  We’ll do this together, my love.  Cuz’ that’s the only way we know.

So, that’s about it.  I’ll probably type one of these up every 2 weeks while I’m at my Chemo treatment.  Don’t worry, they won’t all be this long.  Hang in there with us, it’ll be a great ride.

-Ben